just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
