i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
