If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
