A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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