Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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