i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
