So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
