I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
