my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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