I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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