How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
