I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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