I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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