I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
