So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
