dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
