Swine flu. Run for my life!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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