at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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