I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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