did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
