question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
