worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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