Im at strip club and am horny
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Randomize
