I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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