So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
