I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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