Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
