i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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