she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
