What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
