Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize