You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
