and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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