We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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