My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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