Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
