Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have peed in a lot of sinks
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
