Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
