phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize