I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
