You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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