he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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