some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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