Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
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