and you said cock pushups were impossible
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
