My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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