Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
