I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
