She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My bed smells like the plague
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