he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
