So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
