Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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