I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
