I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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