I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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