Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
