God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
