Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
