my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
