he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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