i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
