On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
