apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
