I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
