I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
