Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
