Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
