She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just googled if crying burns calories
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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