Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize