my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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