Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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