I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
